Saturday, 30th July, 9:30 pm

- posted by Super Ted @ 5:02 AM 13 comments

 
Saturday, 30th July, 9:00 pm

- posted by Super Ted @ 8:29 AM 3 comments

 
Saturday, 30th July, 6:00 pm

- posted by Super Ted @ 8:05 AM 0 comments

 
Saturday, 30th July, 3:00 pm
Watching a movie in Europe is like a joint-family movie watching experience in India. There are only ten rows, seventy seats (they even ask you which row want - show ten fingers out of which you can pick one - as if it's going to make a difference). And finally when the movie starts, you realize there are only thirteen people in the hall. So, you don't have people whistling and hooting when the heroine (the lovely lovely reese witherspoon) comes on screen (the kids of these days I tell you!). Watching a movie becomes an intimate personal experience.



- posted by Super Ted @ 7:55 AM 0 comments

 
Saturday, 30th July, 2:15 pm

- posted by Super Ted @ 7:43 AM 3 comments

 
Saturday, 30th July, 2:00 pm

- posted by Super Ted @ 7:05 AM 0 comments

 
Saturday, 30th July, 1:40 pm
I am sitting in a tram on my way to Bismarck platz in Heidelberg. Right before me is a beautiful girl wearing a skirt small enough to redefine the size standards of micros. Next to her is her hulk hogan boy friend, who rubs her bottom all through the journey, and slaps it every 31st second. I am wondering how she feels about it. I am imagining having a girl friend and she slapping my bottom like this in public transport. I don't think I like it. No. I am positively sure I don't like it.

Anyway, why do I care. She doesn't seem to mind it.
- posted by Super Ted @ 6:59 AM 0 comments

 
Sunday, 17th July, 2005 10:50 pm

- posted by Super Ted @ 8:01 AM 4 comments

 
Kerala Chroonicles comes to an end here!

We finally boarded the Alapuzha express from Thrissur at around 6:30 in the evening and
landed in Arakonam in the wee hours of the morning. It's been quite an eventful trip in a
lot of ways.

• I finally realized that it's high time I get involved in the network of my relatives, know
  faces because dad thinks "it's good to be in touch". My brother's the one most affected
  because both of us were mavericks and we had each other as company while rebelling against whatever our parents wanted to do. Now, I am the good guy and he's the bad guy ;)
• For the first time I have been through the whole experience of marriage. I was given the resume (yeah, a A4 printed name/address/qualification resume as a prologue to the guy
  (thankfully it didn't include his extra curricular activities and his objective)), was
  asked what I feel, made to accompany the girl's parents so that I can provide my "point of
  view". Apart from the marriage, I also got to witness customs that I thought were reserved only for the screen, like "taking arathi" (what does one call this in hindi?), the girl getting confused as to which one's her right foot and which one's left and mother and daughter conveying respective insecurities through their eyes. Too much!
• My malayalam's improved big time (here again, I have betrayed my brother!)
• But the best thing has been to have remembered these little details and to have penned them here.

I realize I have written enough now :) Till the next time I travel - my travel diary shall go to sleep! Adios!

- posted by Super Ted @ 9:07 AM 0 comments

 
Tuesday, 8th February - 02:00 pm
One of the unlikliest thing to happen in this world is my brother agreeing to go to a relative's place. The two choices he gave himself are sleeping in guruvayur and meeting us in Thrissur directly at the station OR he and I going for a movie while our parents do the jive with the relatives. Adding fuel to fire, the person we were supposed to meet told us that he might not be present and will do his best to be there. My brother inteprets it as, "I won't be there. But I can't say no directly. Take the cue and don't come to my place". Dad disagreed and we land in the house of our relative.
Here's where fun starts - an elderly lady welcomes us in and my dad as usual is his witty, funny self talking to her and enquiring about the family and all that. The old lady recognizes me and tells my mom that she's seen me in Bangalore - My mom cames and asks me how the old lady is related. Now, I am surprised because the info usually flows the other way round. I, personally, have no idea too. We wait for our dad coz he seems very pally pally with her. When we ask him, he gives us his typical mischievous smile and tells us he has no idea either. Now, it's odd to settle yourself in the house and then ask the only lady inside who she is. After sometime, a guy enters and is surprised to see us there. Now, I have to add that I have seen the relative ~R in Q is before and I know this guy is not his son. We do some small talk and I ask him where he's staying. He looks at me quizzically and says this is his house, wondering whether I am nuts sitting in his own house and asking him where he lives. My dad gives me a nasty smirk, assumes this guy should be the ~R's son and asks him whether his dad is in the site (~R is a building contractor and my dad was sure of this info because he knows it first hand). The guy non-chalantly replies with a touch of suspicion, "No, he's in dubai". Stumped - "Joint family probably. ~R's family and ~R's brother's family", I whisper under my breath. My dad then asks him when ~R will come home. Our guy adds, "Once a month probably. Not very often these days". You should have seen my brother's face - "We are in the wrong house. He's never going to be here and our train is 6 hours later!". If looks could kill :) We then realized that the lady didn't know we were going to be there. So, she was furiously cooking for extra 4. She wouldn't let us go and she found the suggestion quite offensive. So, we had to stay and my mom rolled her sleeves and went to help her out with that while the guy (who was 21) fidgeted with the paper for sometime and left, leaving me (grinning!), my dad (trying to look at anything else but my bro) and my bro (fuming, threatening my dad my running his fingers across his neck as if slitting it). We planned so many things for this day - trip to Munnar, movie, lush dinner - finally spending it in a house where we were not expected, uninvited on some ad hoc lunch (which were delicious nonetheless)
PS: If you are wondering, my bro made my dad pay till the last penny by pulling his leg for the next two days!
- posted by Super Ted @ 9:05 AM 1 comments

 
Tuesday, 8th February - 11:00 am
I think temples are pretty much like stocks - once they become famous and people start flooding in, they become overvalued and the return on investment usually dips. At least personally, I go to the temple for some piece of mind and for sufficient time to stand there in front of god and clear my thoughts (standing before him is like being in the confession box where I neither try to convince myself or think of anything conceited). But in temples like tirupathi and Guruvayur, you first have to make sure you are on your feet and not on somebody else's thanks to all the crowd. And just when you get to glimpse the lord, they push you away. Of course, Guruvayur is miles ahead of many other temples I have been to. They go a long way to make sure the temple is clean (they once emptied the whole temple because a toddled wet his snuggies!). Money doesn't really speak too loudly in there - everyone's got one queue. They are quite strict about the dress code - guys cant cover their chest, have to wear dhotis and even the women should be dressed traditionally. Don't know if all this really matters - but does help in everyone taking the temple's rules quite seriously.
My parents simple revere the place. They make a trip here every two years at least and for them to be here on their silver jubilee was definitely much more lucrative than the house boat in munnar that I had suggested. After the visit, My bro and I pulled their legs asking mom to show us the heavenly sight of she falling in my father's feet and getting his blessings. Knowing our dad, I know he would faint if anyone did something like that. He's just not that kind of a guy - who can have a sacrosanct expression and bless someone five wives and sixteen children. My mom, knowing this too well, agreed to it immediately. End of the day it didn't happen, but my pathivratha-mom did get five points for agreeing to it from our side :)
- posted by Super Ted @ 8:53 AM 0 comments

 
Tuesday, 8th February - 01:00 am
I should be sleeping - I don't remember the last time I slept for more than 3 hours. But my mind just refuses to stop. I am either blogging inside my head or as it's been happening for quite a few months now, chasing vague illusions of images from the past, of a truth that once was. I know I should stop. Just stop and let go, and go to sleep. Just when I am trying that age old technique of counting numbers (if you try that and didn't find quite useful, try saying it really slowly. Or better still imagine being written on a black board) that my alarm rang. Mom wanted all of us to go for the 1:30 darshan, then the 4 o clock darshan. But the way my dad and bro smiled before they went to sleep, I should have known. Even my mom seems to be in deep sleep. I didn't have the heart to wake them up - suddenly, my brother's heavy arm fell on me and there was a rumble asking me to switch off my mobile (You should either see my bro, or imagine a 83 kg heavy, hairy giant sleeping next to you to know how I exactly felt!). Today's special - this day 25 years ago, my parents got married and it's amazing that they managed to stick and pull the family wagon together for 25 years. given how tired they were, I couldn't imagine waking them up.
So, I go stand next to their bed, do a twinkle-twinkle little star dance step (where you basically go left-right-left above your waist) and silently wish them 25 more years together. Crazy moments when you know no one's watching! I am glad my parents don't read my blog and hence save me a K-serial moment!!
- posted by Super Ted @ 9:29 AM 4 comments

 
Monday, 7th February - 09:00 pm
We are at the hotel lobby - I am talking to the guy at the reception, asking him for rates of the room and all that. My father's seated with the luggage with closed eyes. I inspect the room, pay him the advance and ask everybody to keep their luggage inside. My dad doesn't ask a question. We go to a restaurant and everybody tells me what they want to eat. I pay the bill and we walk back to the room. I am wondering when this happened. There must have been a time when dad asked me to take it up, sometime when dad smiled at me trying to take up the reins or when others felt the change. I don't remember when all this happened. It just seems to be the natural thing right now. It surely feels strange, nice - and a bit scary.
- posted by Super Ted @ 9:27 AM 1 comments

 
Monday, 7th February - 06:00 pm
I am sitting in a bus to Guruvayur in the last seat. I am keeping count of the number of times I jumped so high that I actually touched the roof of the bus. 3 so far. My brother and my parents are busy doing a post mortem of the marriage that just got over. And there's a bearded guy who's giving me a silly smile once in a while when we lock eyes. I have a feeling he's drunk (it's something about those smiles!), I get a little more close to him. He is - the very end of my nostrills affirm. After sometime, as it's eventually supposed to happen, we start talking. As with drunk guys most often, he talks and I listen. He tells me about his life's journey from kerala, to madras, to bangalore, to muscat to kerala again. He seemed quite in control of himself. He was not slurring or falling on me and was blaming his colleagues for making him drink in broad daylight. We talk of bangalore and he tells me his sister and B.i.law stay in bangalore - so far so good. He doesn't remember where they stay, what they do but does remember that the guy was in the UK for sometime. Doesn't matter, does it. He then takes his mobile, shows me his brother's number and asks me to hold the phone. It was at that moment I got into a moral crisis - what was I supposed to do with the number. I couldn't possibly find where he's in bangalore using it (he would slap me if I explained him that!), I couldn't possibly take it down, call his BIL and tell him that I met his relative who didn't remember his name. He probably wanted me to look at his number and see if I know it and hence know the guy. Sounds far fetched to me - I looked at him, smiled and gave him the phone back. But he for some reason, insisted on me seeing the number. You must have seen my expression - I peered into it from left, then right, said it aloud and made a vague guess like "Hutch,eh!" and then told him, "I am sorry. But I don't have my mobile with me right now" (I don't know how he was going to relate this piece of info). He then said, "Oh!" and took the phone back. My brother couldn't stop laughing at me trying to figure out whatever just happened.
- posted by Super Ted @ 9:26 AM 0 comments

 
Monday, 7th February - 02:00 pm
But what was interesting about the "Advantages of drinking" course (see blog below) was, when he talked of parents then and now, my uncle brought about an interesting perspective. The advent of technologies have made our parents really paranoid. Initially, if a kid A is late, his parents can't do much about it - they can't call him on his mobile, the guy himself can't reach them on their landline (they were good old days of no phone!), the horror stories of what happens to kids worldwide was not fed to them by TV, they were less scared, less equipped and hence less paranoid. Of course, it has its own disadvantages but life then sounds much similar - reminds me of something that Chaith once sent me in INSEAD. Quote-Unquote.

Looking back, it's hard to believe we have lived as long as we have ... As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags. When we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot about our brakes. We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us. No mobile phones. Unthinkable. We got cut and broke bones, and there were no lawsuits. They were accidents. No one was to blame, but us. Remember accidents? We had fights and got black and blue and learned to get over it. We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank fizzy drinks, but we were never overweight ... we were always outside playing. Not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment ... some people weren't as smart as others so they failed an exam. Horrors. The idea of parents bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! We did not have PlayStations, video games, cable, DVD's, mobile phones, PC's, internet chatrooms ... we had friends. We went outside and found them. We rode bikes and knocked on the door, or just walked in and talked to them. Imagine such a thing. Without asking a parent! Out there in the cold, cruel world! Without a guardian. How did we survive?
- posted by Super Ted @ 9:24 AM 2 comments

 
Monday, 7th February - 02:00 pm

The marriage is over and my bro and I decided to catch some sleep in the lodge. Unfortunately, that was not meant to be. My uncle (father's bro) and another family friend (who my father loves to call my future father-in-law. Seems, one day he called up home to 'book' me for his daughter. My father explained to him that he'll publish it in the papers when we are open for applications!) were giving us company and talking some family gossip. My uncle was trying his best to get my FFIL (future father-in-law) for joining him that night for a couple of drinks. Firstly, my FFIL is scared of his wife a LOT, and hence he's scared of my dad coz my dad knows his wife really well and my dad likes to think that he wants to leave a positive impression with me coz I am going to be his son in law. So, my FFIL takes up a new lovely strategy to tell me it's ok that he drinks

• He tells me first how my dad did it all the time when he was young but quickly adds how he's stopped completely and occasionally smokes once in a rare while. So, if my dad did it, it can't be that bad.
• He then tells me how back in the 70s when he was young, it was ok to drink and only real jerks, who couldn't find any company, managed not to swing a glass or two at nights. HE then adds, how my generation is really great in that aspect and how focussed we are about our career (tell me about it!)
• He drew the line of difference between drunkards who beat up their wives and him who drinks only when he finds company. Those guys are BAD guys! how could someone! terrible!
• He then goes on to add, how parents then didn't really bother too much about them, how they studied, and when they were home, and hence they were able to do all this 'nonsense' while parents these days are much more concerned.
• He then comes to the old adage that having it in limited quantities is actually good for health and he always knows his limit.

After sometime, my brother just manages to stifle his laughter and I think I have had enough So, I tell him how my friends in BITS sometimes take a peg or two before going for a test and how I am totally ok with it. He seemed visibly relieved but added that I shouldn't talk about it to my dad :)

- posted by Super Ted @ 9:23 AM 3 comments

 
Monday, 7th February - 10:00 am
I hate going for marriages - I can really count the number of marriages that I have attended in my life. And I have this uncanny knack of doing or seeing something else when the actual holy thread tying ceremony is happening. This time I made sure I notice every little detail that is happening (probably because, everyone out there is freaking me out saying I am the most eligible bachelor in the queue (and is blind to any bachelor aged more than 27)). Anyways, to my shock and surprise - there are indeed lot of customs I don't know about. Everytime they do something, I ask my dad why they do it and whether they do it everytime. After sometime he was on the verge of losing his patience because - everytime his answer would be, "I don't know why. But yes, everytime". But really - feeding the bride and groom some milk through a cup, the guy giving the girl something before marriage and lots of things like this. I have NEVER seen it happen before. Thankfully, it all gets over in like 2 hours. that's it - a marriage starts and ends in 2 hours. After seeing a telugu wedding, a tamil wedding and having heard about a north-indian wedding, this is a boon!
PS: It's amusing to see the number of people, the lights and the glitz surrounding the groom when he enters the hall. I was telling my friend that this is the first time any man would get so much attention. "And the last time too ...", added a balding, tired and visibly married man ruefully.
- posted by Super Ted @ 9:21 AM 0 comments

 
Monday, 7th February - 06:00 am
Dhoti is quite a simple thing to wear - if you manage to know the trick of making it stay in place while walk, jump or run (and you become a pro from an amateur, if you can make it stay without a belt). Having worn it since the age of 12, I am quite confident wearing it these days (even on a winter morning in france! sigh! that was one numbing experience!). The usual thing to do when you wear a dhoti is to fold it and knot it again so that it stops at your knees and makes moving around a lot more easier. Quite a simple task again - But, it was only this time that someone actually told me there are 'cultural' variations in doing this.
Now, it's difficult for you to understand what i am telling you if you haven't done used a dhoti before yourself. So, when you fold and knot your dhoti - you basically will have two ends - one in your left hand and one in your right. People in tamil nadu put their left end over their right end and then knot it, while people in Kerala do it the other way round. So, this time when I was getting ready for the marriage, people saw me dress and lo! old women dropped what was in their hands out of shock, young girls gasped, old men talked of how the new generation is slipping away and the young men came to my rescue - I incidentally tied it the 'tamilian' way and blew the wits out of my staunch malayali relatives.
My uncle finally remarked that I become a true malayali when I know how to tie the dhoti the malayali way. That's it?? Here I am spending time and money, losing sleep trying to be a true malayali. I could've learnt doing this in bangalore and saved all trouble! Why didn't anyone tell me this before!! I REALLY have to go meet my dad RIGHT now.
- posted by Super Ted @ 9:19 AM 0 comments

 
Sunday, 6th February - 12:00 midnight

I am not sure how long I have been sleeping - can't be more than 15 minutes. I open the door and find my oldest cousin (who should be 30+) standing outside with a glass of alcohol asking me whether I can accomodate his brother, ~A in my room since it's just my bro and I in our room. I am not too clear about what I am saying but before I could say yes or no, ~A hopped into our room. Now, this is not something I talk about often - but my cousin ~A is mentally challenged. He is 28 years old, makes sense when he talks but his mental growth is that of a 7 or 8 year old. He has a compulsive desire to tear his clothes and get into bouts of sulkiness but otherwise, I have found him ok. I don't know if it's because I have grown up or all the ridicule he's been facing since childhood is finally affecting him for worse - but he was close to terrible this time over. He kept saying the same things over and over again and was being totally irresponsible.

Anyways, one among the few good virtues I have is patience. So, I took off his slippers, found him a blanket and asked him to get into the middle of bed so that he wouldn't fall of. Once he got comfortable, he started talking to my brother who was having a terrible bout of headache. My brother screamed at him immediately and asked him to sleep on the floor. I couldn't help much coz, there have been times in the past where I have been specifically asked not to let him lie in the corner of a bed. So, I spread the blanket on the floor, gave him my pillow and let him sleep there. But the problem was he wouldn't - he would try starting off a conversation every fifteen minutes and my brother and I would take turns and ask him to shut up. His voice would fade as if he was scared and after 15 minutes, he would give it a go again. Finally, probably at around 2 either we stopped bothering or he grew tired and slept off. That, unfortunately, was not the end of the story. He woke up again at 4:30 and starting shaking me asking me to wake up. I switched on the light to check the time and it was wayyy to early. He tried for about 20 minutes and again this time, it was my brother who couldn't stand it anymore and snapped at him. ~A then leaves the room, but forgets to close the door and leaves it ajar. I realize it one hour later when the hotel guy serving tea was next to my bed and shocked me out of my wits. Seems, our guy went down to the reception, woke up that guy and ordered tea for all our relatives staying in this lodge. I am not sure whether I felt good about having some company.

I am wondering how it would be to live with someone like this for a whole lifetime. 28 years is a long time. I have always ridiculed people who make fun of him. But I probably never realized what it takes to live with and love someone like this.

- posted by Super Ted @ 1:51 AM 0 comments

 
Sunday, 6th February - 08:00 pm

My dad tells me that a wise man is someone who could talk both to a 6 year old and a 60 year old. I am not sure about 60 year olds - but I feel really at home with the 6 year olds. Once their travel sickness was over and their daily quota of sleep is done, my nieces and nephews sprang into action. 6 year old Devi, the eldest and stoutest of all, wouldn't stop hitting me and I had to catch her before she runs away. If I do, I win or else ... well, she tries again. Her younger sister who's probably just 3, found it equally amusing but she wasn't too swift and ended up getting caught everytime. She loved the game nevertheless. 8 year old kannan is still shy - he would sit in a corner and smile at me (reminding me so much of how I was when I was young). So, I would sit next to him and talk about silly nothings. But the sweetest of all was Aditya - kannan's brother - who saw me once and told his mom that he likes "this mama (uncle)" a lot. We went around a lot - he introduced me to his dad, mom (who I knew 11 years before he did) and everytime he gets beaten up by the girls, he would sweetly come and tell me, "Rathish mama, that girl is really bad. She keeps hitting me". The best is when Devi tries to hit me, "No strength-alle (isn't it). Look at her sweating by hitting you." and when that didn't dissuade her, he practically stood before me (this 4 year old little thing) and ordered her not to do it any more. Boy, you should see him talk!

Later before we were about to part (after the marriage), he asked his mom to get him close to me, took my palm kissed it and then kissed my cheek and smiled - When does one lose this art of expressing one's love so beautifully and tenderly!! (probably, the first time he gets slapped by a girl who didn't quite understand probably - No! that was not personal experience)

- posted by Super Ted @ 1:50 AM 3 comments

 
Sunday, 6th February - 06:00 pm
My account is turning out to be a story of the endless cousins I have - but I guess it's understandable given that I am meeting all of them after a long time and boy! has time changed things. ~P is one of the most vivacious girls I have met in my life. She's always full of life, slightly on the louder side but never in one place. She's one year elder to me and I, as all other cousins, am closer to her elder sister than her. I have never talked to her much. I remember going out with her into the forests close to our ancestral house and playing some obscure games when I am really feeling lonely.

A few years ago, when some relatives met at my place in chennai, there were talks doing the rounds that she's getting depressed too often these days, and hence has been shifted from Kannur (my birthplace) to Ernakulam (where I am in right now). Some years later, all seemed ok again and she went back to Kannur. But I was not at all ready for what I saw this time - she was totally aloof and reserved. There will a bunch of people talking, about 15 of us including her mother, brothers and sister. She would be sitting close to us but alone, away from the circle. I tried talking to her twice or thrice but after a couple of minutes, there would be strained silence and my mastery of malayalam didn't help at all!

Mom tells me that she's always quiet outside home and that girls go through such phases. But I know better, I have seen her in umpteen weddings and she's not 13 or 15 for going through introverted phases. She will be getting married in a year. What really freaked me out was her eyes - they were empty. Really empty! as if there was no soul behind those eyes, no emotion, no life. I have never seen eyes like that before and I can tell you - it really freaks me out. When I was about to leave on monday, she had an expression of someone who was about to cry. But I didn't know why coz it's unbelievable that she actually felt bad that i was leaving. She didn't cry - as I disappeared round the corner, I could see her staring from near the gate. The same empty expression.
- posted by Super Ted @ 1:48 AM 0 comments

 
Sunday, 6th February - 02:00 pm
I am feeling so bored now that I will make my brother sit in front of me, pick his hair one by one and garnish my lunch. And I am sure, he feels the same way too. I am wondering what guys my age do if they come a day before marriage. No one's really helping me find out coz there is NO ONE AROUND who's my age. My bro and I have made 3 trips to the local shop, treated our cousin (more on him later), entertained ourselves with some self-deprecating jokes and now have come up with a brilliant idea of going for a movie. My father however thinks we should talk to my uncle (my father's brother whose daughter is getting married) before doing so. Now, that wouldn't make us look very responsible would it. But what the heck - we found some good company in another cousin of mine (who's called Rathi and who's like my closest relative) and managed to get the show timings from the bride's brother. No luck coz there are no shows that would the suit the free time we have. Suddenly the responsible me feels it will too bad if I go. So, the plan's cancelled. But 7 o clock, I enter the hall again and everyone's asking me (in a very disapproving tone) who the movie was. They actually thought we went and my brother didn't bother to change their mind about it (Quite frankly, there are very few things he bothers about. And what relatives think is right in the rock bottom!). Like so many of those well-minded-respect-the-elders-keep-them-happy decisions, this one's a flop too. Lesson I learnt is to do what I please and learn to convince them later. They have an extremely short life to what they think is right. Screw them all.
- posted by Super Ted @ 1:48 AM 0 comments

 
Sunday, 6th February - 12:00 noon
I am feeling sleepy now - didn't manage to sleep too well in the train. I have never drunk but I always think what one goes through while inebriated is close to how I feel when I am sleepy. Everything looks bright to me - there's a PC Sreeram type of gloss attached to every object. Suddenly, every noise gets louder than usual. If people dont realize and continue talking, their words start overlapping eachother and I have a feeling that they are slurring. After sometime, it's like a monotone of sounds and I can't distinguish the words. I would still have my eyes open and nod like I understand everything - but not a word! I think a glassy look fills my eyes and I start smiling for no reason coz I like what I am feeling. I wish someone takes a snap of me then coz I really want to know how I look like.
- posted by Super Ted @ 1:47 AM 0 comments

 
Sunday, 6th February - 11:00 am
My greatest problem is that even if I don't understand what someone's trying to tell me, if I feel I will never get it, I vigorously nod my head as if I have got it (and couple it with verbal confirmations). But I fail to wipe off that confused look on my face and hence either the interested speaker is pissed that I am not paying attention or he relentlessly continues to explain it till he becomes tired of my stupidity. High time people realize that in matters involving spatial skills (locations, routes, distance) or relationships - I am incurably and consistently pathetic.
- posted by Super Ted @ 1:47 AM 0 comments

 
Sunday, 6th February - 10:00 am
I am in Ernakulam in kerala - my Uncle is staying in one of the suburbs called Palarivattom here. The place is not what you see as God's own country in CNN. It's not all back waters, boats and narrow channels surrounded by women dressed in white and lush coconut trees. But it's still special. A few subtle differences

• The moss that gathers on the old walls that make the whole place looker greener than it actually is.
• The sweetness of water. I know tasteless, colorless and all that. But the water there is innately sweet and is so soft, the soaps keep foaming all over!
  
• The abundance of sickles and CPI notices matched only by the number of men who walk around wearing lungis and newspapers
  
• The extremely narrow roads where not more than one vehicle can go at a time.
  
• The total haphazard fashion in which the roads have been designed making it clear how the roads fit the existing pattern of houses than the other way round.
  
• The more than usual number of huge houses that are built, I presume, in "Gulf money" (the easiest way of affluence in kerala is to have a relative in the gulf countries. gold flows like a liquid!)
  
• Apart from Surds, kerala probably houses the highest number of people with a beard (none of those frivolous frenchies. This one is as good as those sandalwood forests that veerapan would be proud to stay in)
  

- posted by Super Ted @ 1:45 AM 0 comments

 
Sunday, 6th February - 08:50 am

Another incident on the same lines - Usually in the trains are physically handicapped people (severely deformed, lacking a limb most of the time with the point where it has been severed hitting your senses violently) who clean the floor of the train and expect a rupee or two. They aren't persistent usually - they do their job, look around for a moment and keep moving if no one seems forthcoming. The swedish lady next to me gave money to these guys everytime they came. This one time, she ran out of coins and stared the otherside unable to look at the guy. Another gentleman sitting in the bay noticed this, put his hands into his pocket and fished for quite sometime. Finally he took out his kerchief and wiped his face as a matter of fact. He probably didn't intend it as a practical joke - but the handicapped guy was practically following the guy's every moment, his eyes filled with a naked expectation, hoping to get at least a rupee in alms. Nothing. Zilch.

The gentleman didn't realize all of us staring at him and after sometime, the guy left.

- posted by Super Ted @ 1:44 AM 1 comments

 
Sunday, 6th February - 08:30 am
As usual the street urchins and little beggars swarmed our compartment. And this time realizing there was a foriegn lady amidst us, they really thought they stood a chance. So, this young girl (Who yet again sang Pardesi .. pardesi jaana nahin) and her younger brother stood before her for quite sometime and crooned at the top of their voice. After sometime, they started they started nibbling her arm and started asking for money. She very sweetly gave them an apologetic smile, and told them in hindi "Mere paas, sirf ek sikka hai. Woh muje chahiye. Maaf kijeye" (I am wondering how many times she's been forced to say it that she's memorized it so well). The kids looked at her for sometime, went back and everyone was glad that they understood. After sometime, they came back this time with about 15-20 other little kids. Now, all of them started nibbling her arm. Finally, an exasperated Mr.Verghese who was sitting next to her shooed all of them away.

That moment - I felt ashamed. Having been there in europe and known how it is there, I could imagine how irritating they would find the whole experience. I felt like a kid who got a bunch of his stinkingly rich kids into his house. I knew our financial state, I had no problems staying in it, the facilities I had were adequate for me - but when the kids arrive and look around, there's this instantaneous sense of shame that you then cover under a lot of high sounding justifications. But the feeling's there - pricking you.
- posted by Super Ted @ 1:44 AM 0 comments

 
Sunday, 6th February - 07:15 am
The german guy has a lot of interesting things to say - Seems germans had this contest of what is the best german word. People can send it entries and explain why they think the word they chose should be the best word. The top two winners were

First prize: Habseligkeifen - which from what I understood means, the essential belongings of a person. During world war 1, lots of people in the french border had to take their real essential belongings (their habseligkeifen) and such people were referred to as good men or trustworthy men. So, any man with his Habseligkeifen is someone who could be trusted and who is a good man. I don't know if I have understood him correctly. It's a difficult thing to explain in a language different from your own.

Second prize: Rhabavbermarmelade: This one refers to a fruit (a pink sour fruit that's added in salads he said). It was chosen because the word sounds like a whole song when he says it. Even a non-german is fascinated by it even though it means something quite trivial.

He was also saying how things are so quiet in a german train and how in some trains when the pretzel (a german bread) lady enters the train, they would actually announce it - "The pretzel lady has arrived. Please buy yourself some refreshments". I was wondering how it would be in an indian train - "The chai guy has arrived. Oh, another chai guy has .. now a coffee guy .. a masala vada guy ... the magazines guy ... Now a few eunuchs, forget it! A lot of people have entered the train. Amuse yourselves!"
- posted by Super Ted @ 1:42 AM 1 comments

 
Saturday, 5th February - 11:00 pm

I did manage to talk to the swedish lady after all - actually, it quite literally fell on my lap. The lady was sleeping in a berth till the TTR came and told her someone else's supposed to occupy the berth. I am assuming this happened because when I woke up she was involved in an animated conversation with the guy in hindi (HINDI!). Anyways, she said something, he understood something else but they finally decided that she will give berth to someone else :) The son of the soil, late 70s superstar, helpful citizen that I am, I enquired what really was the problem and she, well, had lots to say. Our Mr.120 turned out to be ok. He was from germany (he called himself Sebastian and was told me that I was the first guy to say his name correctly. Ess Saa Ppae .. Zee zerman kompany,you zee).

One thread among so many interesting topics we discussed was how traveling to different continents helps you grow as a person and widens your vision. The swedish lady told me how after coming to India, she realized how a house is just a roof on top of your head and doesn't have to be all lavish and costly. She sold off her old huge house and is now in a shop that she and her boy friend have transformed into a duplex. (which is funny (that she learnt this from india) coz we do this because we don't have the money. If we had it, I am sure all of us will end up spending it on an extra brick or an interior staircase)But point taken. I concur (have you seen catch me if you can?)

- posted by Super Ted @ 1:41 AM 0 comments

 
Saturday, 5th February - 10:30 pm
I realized I am not too keen to talk to anyone (those sour grapes!) and have landed myself on the top berth browsing a terribly boring issue of 'The Week'. Below, a couple of north indian seths (they just look like seths you know - safari suits, huge pot bellies and a genorous doze of paan that occasionally spills onto their pants) are telling the foriegners some survival tips in kerala.

"Eat no fish. This time, you know Tsunami and all. Very dangerous. Also, no water from roadside. Tea is ok and mineral water. but you know, these days all insects and pesticides in mineral water also" (Bravo! Wah mere desh bakht, you just cost india a couple of thousand indian tourist money!)

"They use a lot of coconut oil while they cook indian dishes. Do you like it with coconut oil?" (I am wondering how I would have reacted if someone had told me on my way to france that they serve ostrich meat with blood and whether I like it that way. I am wondering, if I would have smiled and looked into my book, looked like they asked me to calculate 13 into 357 with my fingers or retorted, "how I would know duffer. I have never had anything with blood to say the difference!")

I should probably sleep - I guess I am just jealous that our Ram charan seth had something to talk to her while all I did was to smile like I suffer from constipation.
- posted by Super Ted @ 1:40 AM 0 comments

 
Saturday, 5th February - 10:00 pm
This is one of the sweetest send offs I have got - though the person in question, ~L, was actually miles away in a house. We kept talking on the phone - right from the moment I landed in the platform, to the point where I actually "was out of reach" (literally!). My relatives were in the same train two compartments away and I had promised to meet them (I know you are not interested in how they are related to me. But still for the sake of the record - they are the brother and sister in law of my grandfather. I should ideally be calling them grandfather and their sons, uncles. But the sons, being 26 and 24, will kill me. So, I made them my cousins and him my uncle. I just loove the english language for this!).

Anyways, there's this firangi lady and another 6-foot 120 kilo guy sitting next to her. I smiled half way at her but whatever was left on my face was wiped clean when I saw the guy. I am a bad conversationalist - I really am. Left to me, I can't start a conversation for nuts. Thank god for all the extroverts!
- posted by Super Ted @ 1:36 AM 0 comments